Talk on the Child Side

MidDay By Maleeva RebelloPosted 09-Apr-2014

A mammoth conference of different NGOs is to held in the city mid-month, bringing together all those who work in the field of Child Sexual Abuse (CSA), on new ways to confront and combat a growing but still under-reported malaise.

A first of its kind, Annual Stakeholder's Conference on Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) is set to be held in Mumbai in the coming week. Actor Rahul Bose's NGO - The Foundation that works with victims of child sexual abuse announced this two day conference at a press conference.

The Bollywood actor at a press conference at Mahalaxmi said, "CSA is considered taboo in India. At this conference scheduled for April 16 and 17, 20 NGOs in the country that deal with child sexual abuse will unite. Coming together to discuss and learn what each of them are doing will help the awareness and prevention of this heinous crime."

Together for a cause: (L-R) Rahul Bose, Suchismita Bose, Kalki Koechlin and Rahul Akerkar. Pic/Shadab Khan

In India, government statistics say that 53 per cent of children in India have faced or face sexual abuse. Bollywood actor, Kalki Koechlin who lent her support to the cause said, "Sexual abuse is something that has been brushed under the carpet for a very long time in India. The 2012 passing of the Protection of Children from Sexual Offences Act (POSCO) (See box) is a step forward."

Talking about how The Foundation works with child sexual abuse awareness in schools, Suchismita Bose, director of the NGO said, "We work with awareness, therapy and advocacy. We also conduct workshops for children, parents and teachers. So far we have been able to speak to 53 schools in the city."

Reel Life: A scene from the movie Monsoon Wedding. The film touched upon the problem of Child Sexual Abuse (CSA)

Shedding light on why he chose to throw his weight behind the cause of CSA, Rahul Bose said, "I've had five relationships and the truth is that four of my girlfriends have been victims of child sexual abuse. I was fortunate to not have had any such incident in my life, but I've met many people who have sadly had to live with the scar. Many of these women always felt it was their fault and they were greatly depressed that their family members, especially their mothers did not believe them when they spoke about the abuse."

For Koechlin, the education system and the way it deals with education about body parts and sexuality is to blame for lack of awareness. She said, "In school, I remember learning about the sexual parts of the body in a class where we all giggled. There is a need for social sex education. Complex topics about sexuality and sex need to be discussed."

Wary: The Anchorage Child Sexual Abuse case garnered huge media attention and created some awareness

When Koechlin was quizzed by the media about being sexually abused as a child she said, "The reason you haven't heard about it is that I don't like to talk about it. For me, it's not a one day headline; it's something that's a reality I have lived with for a long time. Many of us have gone through it and most of the people that I know, especially close friends of mine who are women, have gone through some form of CSA. It's just so out there, so much of it that I think it's not something that should be ignored."

The conference on CSA which is set to be held in the city at the National Centre for the Performing Arts (NCPA) later this month will see the lawyer Flavia Agnes, gynaecologist Dr Duru Shah and child psychologist Dr Amit Sen among others come together to speak about their understanding of the problem.

The trio were part of the core group working on CSA, who had come together to help draft the POSCO Act. Now two years later, and the Act is up for review, they hope to make some more suggestions.

Animated: A still from Komal, a film on CSA by Childline

Suchismita Bose adds, "It took about five years for the bill to come about. I had a great experience working with these people and so it was easy to get them all together for this review. Everyone is gung-ho about sharing their experiences. There is hardly any research when it comes to CSA. Hopefully, after this conference, our findings will help get some fresh statistics."

With the new government set to be formed along the same time as the findings of the conference being chartered, the NGOs working towards tackling CSA are very hopeful.

Rahul said, "We had planned the conference much before the election dates were known. But it is a good thing that they both will be happening around the same time."

Stating that CSA doesn't have the platform that AIDS, cancer and polio have when it comes to awareness and visibility in the form of campaigns, NGOs associated with the cause, are hopeful the conference will help maximise collective strengths, minimise weaknesses and plug-in the gaps.

Suchismita Bose, who is also one of the speakers at the conference, ends, "With a lot of media awareness and the government taking huge steps to help CSA victims, the ground level is much better. The current Act has some loopholes, which need to be ironed out which, through this conference we will hope to do."

Reaching Out

Sudeesh TM from Childline which is India's only helpline for children said, "We worked closely in getting the POSCO bill passed and helped close the gaps when it came to the problems the victim's faced. Like in the Anchorage case, which is a big case law, the ground reality is that even today, many children are being sexually assaulted by foreigners in India. Since 2011, we have been working with awareness and safety rules for children in schools across Mumbai."

With films like Bunty aur Pinky and Komal, an animated film that educates children on body parts as well as child sexual abuse, Sudeesh says, "We are reaching out to kids suffering from various kinds of exploitation throughout the country. Child sexual abuse is a part of daily life for many street children as well as children from affluent families and we do our best to help the children deal with the case."

On the child sexual abuse conference, Pooja Taparia, Founder and Chief Executive of Arpan, an NGO that deals with child sexual abuse said, "We are really excited about meeting other people who deal with child sexual abuse. The work we do is connected to personal safety where we go to schools and teach children, teachers and parents. We will be presenting our work at this conference and it is a great opportunity to learn and share our experiences."

Talking about April as the month of child sexual abuse, Taparia added, "Every day is child sexual abuse day for us as we meet and counsel victims as well as spread awareness on the issue. We are contributing to the child sexual abuse blog that has been created especially to observe this month."

Majlis which will also be presenting their work at the conference later this month deals with the legal aspect of child sexual abuse. Audrey D'mello, Programme Director at Majlis said, "We run victim support programmes and work with the state on the socio-legal front. The conference on child sexual abuse will be a great chance to see the work that is being done in other parts of India. Here in Mumbai, the identification parade, questions asked by the defence, etc are very uncomfortable and cause questions to be raised on the dignity of victims, this is where we step in. When it comes to child sexual abuse, it has to be a question and answer format that we ensure is followed as part of protocol."

A police awareness programme that they conducted recently helped the police force better understand child sexual abuse. D'mello said, "From September 2013 to February 2014, we have had an awareness programme for 670 policemen in Mumbai. Very often, the police fail to understand the nitty gritty of POSCO and so this awareness was a start. On the field, if any child sexual abuse case is dealt with in an insensitive manner, we can now contact the higher ups and ensure that the child gets respect. The legal system is very scary and family support is missing for many victims of child sexual abuse, we try to help them deal with the problem as well as look for effective legal solutions."

UNSAFE TOUCHES

Arpan, an NGO in Mumbai, has been tirelessly working on the issue of Child Sexual Abuse since 2006. Arpan empowers children, teachers, parents, NGO professionals and other care givers in multiple settings like schools, NGO set ups, institutions etc. with knowledge, skills and attitude to prevent instances of child sexual abuse. Arpan also offers psychotherapeutic/counseling support through trained, qualified therapists to children and adult survivors of sexual abuse and their families. Arpan has so far impacted the lives of over 250,000 children and adults, directly and indirectly.

Childhood is a happy time. A time spent with friends, playing, singing and being carefree. It’s also a time when children are most vulnerable to sexual abuse or an unsafe touch by a person who is more powerful than the child. This powerful person can be anyone who is an adult or an older person. While children at times, may be too small to realize this, its impact often stays with them for the rest of their lives. Arpan’s newest installation "Unsafe Touches" showcased at the Kalaghoda Festival (Mumbai) from 1st to 9th February, 2014 aims to educate parents and other family members of this quiet threat in a unique manner.

The installation – large cut-outs of children playing ring-a-ring-a-roses in bubble wrap is symbolic of the fragile and innocent childhood that needs protecting. When a person touches the bubble wrap it bursts, thus highlighting how easy it is for a child’s life to be shadowed and inundated.

 

  

For more information:

Call - 98190 51444 / 2686 2444 / 2686 8444

Counselling Support - 98190 86444 / support@arpan.org.in

Email - info@arpan.org.in

Web - www.arpan.org.in

Concept & Copy: Pankaj Garde and Rinku Jariwala

Designer: Pankaj Garde, Prashant Pradhan & Rinku Jariwala, The Open Sky Art team – Jayendra Mohare, Sandip Gotal, Sagar Bhosale, Pravin Dankar, Sunil Bhalerao, Mayur Zunjaker, Shekhar Kinjale, Vikram Gawari, Mayur Nikam and Dr. Prachin Jariwala.

5 day intensive Workshop on “Play & Sand Therapy” from 13th to 17th Jan, 2014

Dear All,

Greetings from Arpan! 

ARPAN is happy to announce yet another 5 day intensive Workshop on “Play & Sand Therapy” with specialized skills in using Sand Therapy.

What is Play Therapy?
Play Therapy is a form of counselling or psychotherapy that uses play to communicate with and help people, especially children, to prevent or resolve psychosocial challenges. This is thought to help them towards better social integration, growth and development. This workshop will provide us an introduction to play therapy and various tools that can be used while working with children and adults.

What is Sand Therapy?
This workshop will also provide an Introduction to the Sand tray (which is a generic term describing how boxes of sand are used with small toys as part of a play therapy program) to work with children and adolescents. Sandplays are created in a free and protected space, where the therapist does not interpret, interfere with, or direct the client's symbolic expression. The sandplay therapist maintains an attitude of receptivity and acceptance, so the client can bring unconscious material into consciousness without censure.


The workshop will be conducted by extremely experienced trainers from 'Parivarthan'. The 5 days intensive workshop will be held from 13th January 2014 to 17th January 2014 at Vinalaya, Behind Holy Family Church, Next to Gurunanak School, Chakala, Mahakali Caves Road, Andheri - East, Mumbai.
The fees for the workshop is Rs. 10000/- per person {inclusive of 2 teas/coffee, breakfast & lunch}

For any queries, please contact:
Chandrika Rambiya - Senior Counselor, Healing Unit
Email: chandrika@arpan.org.in or crambiya@gmail.com
Mobile: 9819385058

Why Counselling Is Important?

Arpan provides therapeutic services to Adult Survivors of childhood sexual abuse with an aim to heal the psychological, social, sexual and physical consequences of CSA. These services are offered within the Arpan centres and at the community level with support of NGO’s and social service organizations. Our counsellors/ therapists help the clients to work on their triggers and other symptoms of CSA, you may contact us on the counselling help line number- 9819086444

It's true that some older survivors of child sexual abuse can have experiences that trigger a powerful resurgence of past trauma. This articles helps to understand the long term impact of child sexual abuse, what can trigger it and ways to seek support for survivors who are experiencing a hard time with their pasts.

http://www.pannone.com/solicitors-for-you/abuse-claims/child-abuse-claims/child-abuse-triggers

Support ARPAN in the awareness campaign about Child Sexual Abuse by Gudville.com

Arpan has participated in awareness and fundraising campaign created by Gudville.com. 

To support please click on the link below and the page opens, and then click “I Support” button. 

https://www.gudville.com/app?a=pt_tk_actn_v11&oi=mcYBwDWDmS%2FX9SPbqXs57s6zP2JmJXPT&ei=%2FRzX67Ry91dJyfoBDLWf3hJ3v8QotTwd&ra=opty_sh_lg

*They may ask you to login from either your Facebook or Linkedin account to confirm your pledge towards the cause.

Let us work towards spreading maximum awareness on the cause of Child Sexual Abuse. Help Arpan spread the word.

Thank You.

Every Child Is Innocent Save Them from Fear. STOP CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

Child Sexual Abuse leaves a wound that does not heal with time but could get worse. Individuals could either grow up to be disturbed and traumatized adults or at times become abusers themselves. The impact of childhood sexual abuse stays with the person for a long time, much beyond the immediate trauma. It continues to affect them even as they continue to become adults at various levels; emotional, social, sexual and psychological.

According to WHO, India has the world’s largest number of sexually abused children, with a child below 16 years raped every 155th minute, a child below 10 every 13^th hour, and one in every 10 children sexually abused at any point of time. Given the high prevalence of Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) and its long lasting negative impact on the life of the individual it becomes imperative that interventions are taken.

Most children quietly suffer, and don’t talk about Sexual Abuse, But we need to talk about it, so that WE can PREVENT IT and HEAL it’s ill effects.

Arpan Working towards the Freedom from Child Sexual Abuse

The motivation to initiate work on Child sexual abuse (CSA) within Arpan actually started in 2004 when Pooja Taparia, the Founder and CEO, was inspired by the play 30 Days in September, which depicts the trauma faced by a survivor of sexual abuse as they carry on with life, in their decisions, their relationships, their aspirations, their fears, their choices, every day.

In 2006 Arpan started its work on CSA with the Prevention and Healing services.

With one counselor, Arpan began conducting talks to spread awareness on the issue of Child Sexual Abuse. Arpan reached out to housing societies, civil society clubs like Rotary & Lions Clubs, interested colleges or any other forum or platform, where they could reach out to a parent or adult & talk to them about the cause. Arpan also took on cases to enable adult survivors to come to terms with their trauma as well, and move on to lead more fulfilling lives.

Arpan has so far reached out to over 50,000 parents, teachers, children, adolescents, young adults, NGO professionals, caretakers and mental health professionals directly and over 2, 00,000 indirectly with our prevention and healing programs.

कोवळ्या वेलींना वेळीच द्या आधार!

"Child Sexual Abuse is any act using a child for the sexual gratification of the more powerful person" 
"Aware parents and caretakers can help a sexually abused child better"

These are some messages which Arpan talks about on Child Sexual Abuse through their various programs, Sakal has very kindly published the information in their newspaper today.

19th November - World Day for Prevention of Child Abuse

"Child Sexual Abuse is a violation of a child's body as well as of the trust, implicit in a care giving relationship. This violation can have a significant impact on how the child, as a victim and later as an adult survivor, see and experiences the world. The effects of child sexual abuse can be damaging but need not be permanent."

19th November - World Day for Prevention of Child Abuse

www.arpan.org.in

VOTE for ARPAN and help us reach out to maximum children for Personal Safety Education Program

HelpYourNGO.com has started an fundraising contest for NGO's working with children and Arpan has been shortlisted for it. Arpan with the other NGO's will be competing for the donation which would be only given if we receive the highest number of votes.

VOTE for Arpan and help us reach out to more number for children through our Personal Safety Education Program with the help of the donation. 

Just click on the link and select Arpan (Preventing Child Sexual Abuse) and submit your vote.

http://www.helpyourngo.com/ngo_vote.php

“Is it my fault??”

This happened in one of the city schools where Arpan’s Personal Safety Education Project was being implemented. It was the last session for that grade and the trainer was teaching them about the last and one of the most critical rule ‘It is not your fault if somebody has broken Personal Safety Rule 1’. It was then that one child approached the trainer in an overwhelming state. The child shared that she was being sexually abused repeatedly and in spite of knowing the abuser’s intention of calling her alone she was not being able to stop the abuse and hence deduced it to be her fault. In order to stop the ongoing abuse and help the child overcome the deep rooted belief and taking onus of the abuse, Arpan’s Psycho-Social team and the Psychotherapeutic team worked together along with the PSE team. The psychosocial team made home visits to understand the family dynamics and brought the sexual abuse to their attention. The family could identify the offender, the behaviours that he was showing namely isolating the child and giving expensive gifts (which they earlier thought to be driven by love and affection). Being empowered the family could stand up for their child and keep the abuser out of their home. The Psychotherapeutic team simultaneously supported the child’s healing by working on her self-esteem, shame and guilt around the abuse.

Personal Safety Education Project is one of the core interventions of Arpan that focuses on empowering children with adequate knowledge, attitude and skills to prevent instances of child sexual abuse as well as to seek support when such an incident has occurs. Arpan conducts this module with children in privately owned and government schools as well as with highly vulnerable groups of children referred by NGOs, and in shelter homes and orphanages. The PSE project also involves awareness building and skill enhancement of adults (like parents, teachers and institutional caretakers) who are the primary stakeholders and caregivers in a child’s life in order to create strong safety and support networks around children in their respective environments.

12th November ARPAN Foundation Day!!

“I’m the Boss of my body”, the children say with conviction in their voices...

In the last six months i.e from April to September 2013 Arpan taught over 5200 children personal safety program, helped 200 children heal through counselling, created awareness on CSA amongst 6500 parents and teachers, trained 750 police cadets, constables and inspectors, trained 200 mental health, social service professionals and teachers to address CSA in their environments. We also reached out to over 250 varied professionals through our public and policy advocacy initiatives. Overall we reached out to over 13,000 individuals in six months.

Arpan empowers children, teachers, parents, NGO professionals and other care givers in multiple setting like schools, NGO set ups, institutions etc. with knowledge, skills and attitude to prevent instances of child sexual abuse and provide adequate support to children who have been victims. Along with empowering relevant stakeholders, Arpan also offers psychotherapeutic support through trained, qualified therapists to children and adult survivors of sexual abuse and their families. 

www.arpan.org.in

Is Your Child Trying to Tell You Something?

Children don’t usually tell us how they are feeling in a direct way especially about their worries. Instead, they say things out of context, give clues, and as they get older, test the waters to see how a topic might be received. This means we have to listen extra carefully and inquire, even when the day is moving fast. Consider this exchange between a son and his mother.

Son: “I want to quit Boy Scouts.”
Mom: “Okay, it’s up to you and fine with me if that’s what you want.”

Was there a missed opportunity to inquiry and learn? After all, her son had been a longtime Scout and it seemed to mean the world to him. Imagine if the conversation had gone like this:

Son: “I want to quit Boy Scouts.”
Mom: “Why honey?” 
Son: “I don’t like it anymore.” 
Mom: “What don’t you like about it?” 
Son: “I don’t like the new Scout leader at all.” 
Mom: “Can you tell me what you don’t like about him?” 
Son: “I just don’t like him.” 
Mom: “What do you mean?” 
Son: “I thought he was my friend?” 
Mom: “And then what happened?” 
Son: “Well, he started touching me and I don’t like it.” 
Mom: “Can you tell me more about that?”

You can see where I’m going with this. By steady and open inquiry, the mother would have learned that the new Scout leader was sexually abusing her son.

Here’s an example where the parent did listen very carefully. A father and his daughter were in the car and the daughter blurted out this statement

Sophie: “Daddy, I don’t want to play those games with Grandpa anymore.”
Dad: “What games, sweetie?” 
Sophie: “Those tickling games.” 
Dad: “Oh, tell me about the tickling games.” 
Sophie: “He makes us tickle our private parts.” 
Dad: “I’m so glad you told me, Sophie, and I will make sure those games stop. No one has the right to touch your private parts because you’re the boss of your body!”

Child sexual abusers have told us repeatedly that the biggest deterrent to child sexual abuse is a parent who listens—very carefully. For more examples and sample language for talking with children, see Off Limits: A Parent’s Guide to Keeping Kids Safe from Sexual Abuse.

By Feather BerkowerJuly 26, 2013

http://www.drgreene.com/perspectives/is-your-child-trying-to-tell-you-something/

Empathy

Empathy is the ability to see the world as another person, to share and understand another person’s feelings, needs, concerns and/or emotional state. Often we use the phrase “to put yourself in the other person’s shoes” when we talk about empathy. Thus it implies feeling with and not for the person. While empathising (at some level) comes naturally to most people it is a skill that can be developed like most other interpersonal skills.

A lack of empathy results in what we are currently seeing in our society – the lack of respect, understanding and compassion for what the other person goes through. Thus we are experiencing increasing instances of sexual assault of children and women; one of the contributing factors is the lack of empathy on the part of the offenders as well as the silent and inactive bystanders towards the victim.

People need to be taught empathy at a young age so that they can internalise this value. As parents and care-givers the most important skill that we can teach our children is empathy. A strong sense of empathy allows children to make decisions that are right for them without hurting others or seeking approval or acceptance. Parents are our first teachers and hence they play a key role in teaching children the skills of empathy.

Empathy is closely linked with feelings or emotions. Identifying and labelling emotions is important in order to empathise with others. As part of our preventive program (Personal Safety Education) in schools and the community at large, we teach children this important skill of empathy. Children from the tender age of six years are introduced to its importance and are taught that feelings/emotions are universal and therefore people all over the world experience different emotions and express it with the same bodily reactions as we do.

At Arpan, children are taught that they must treat others the way they would want to be treated. The Arpan facilitators are trained to ask the children pertinent questions and use other relevant media such as role plays, stories, etc to help them understand and internalise the key messages on empathy.

For instance, trainers ask children how will small children feel if you hit them?; how will your classmate who is not good looking feel if you tease him/her?; if  I take away your water bottle without asking you how will you feel? In the same way, if you take away your friends’ things without their permission, how would they feel?

Parents and care-givers can also instill in their children empathy by helping them identify and name emotions, validating the emotions children feel, as well as providing emotional support and affection to them. Teaching can help build empathy in children, but even more important is for adult caregivers to be empathetic themselves. Parents can model empathy in their relationship with other people; and children will learn by observing and emulating their parents. Adult caregivers can also use day-to-day situations to sensitise and make their children empathetic towards others.

For instance, if your child comes from play having fought or bullied other children ask your child how he/she would have felt if someone had to do the same with them. Explain to them that – “just as we feel upset or sad when someone hits or teases us, in the same way, when we hit others they also feel sad, angry and scared. It is, therefore, important that we must treat others the same way that we would like them to treat us. That means we must empathize with others. Before we say or do anything to others we must think about how we will feel if someone says or does the same thing to us. Always treat others the way you want to be treated.”

If we as adult caregivers bring about a change at an individual level by teaching our children to be empathetic, only then can we hope that there will be a greater positive change in the country.

By - Dr. Manjeer Mukherjee

Research and Development Manager at Arpan

www.arpan.org.in